You’ll always be this close from quitting but you didn’t. Remember why you didn’t.
This year felt like I'm changing. My views, my perspective in finding inspiration and the medium for me to convey in. It has been around 4 years since I've dabbled on watercolour painting.And for some odd reason, watercolour isn't exciting to me for now. I've converted into using gouache and acrylic paints.
I remember how confused I felt during this unmotivational phase earlier this year. What usually inspired me were no longer exciting at all. So I did a time off from social media to make lots and lots of experimentation work on my sketchbook called " artblock". (If you have seen my previous blog posts, you'll get to see my previous experiments. Portraits, sunsets, sceneries, plants and so on)
I never have tried gouache nor acrylics before but this experimentation created so much joy. It felt much more alive, more exhilarating. For that I felt that I'm improving in the sense of my creative views.
I'm glad that I am not stubborn towards change. Keeping my mind open to new things, new perspective to convey my creative juices on a canvas.
I may not fully understand what truly an artist thinks. But for now, I think, being an artist is more towards growing self wisdom within my life experience. Not about style or trends and not pretty colours. It is all about pouring my dedication towards art that creates me for who I am.
Be fearless and make dozens of mistakes! I've made more than enough to embarrassing myself.
p.s Drinking wine helps to unwind an uptight mind lol
Hello darkness my old friend... (2013)
I am horrible when it comes to expressing myself in words, let alone to be confident enough to express them by opinions in public.
Since i was young, i was thought to push everything down and deal with it quietly (like all Asians do lol). I grew up feeling like a rebel, struggling in the deep pond of emotions, unable to word out my thoughts.
Let's be real. I am a pessimist and I am comfortable with it. I am also a fucking shy person. I get fidgety and sweaty when people initiate conversations with me. Maybe i have a social anxiety? I'm not sure. But i would like to fix this!
I couldn't find a better time to face my fears till now ( like after 27 years?!). I came up with a list of things of actions to try and make my 2017 a year of self discovery and change.
- I know this might sound like i'm using my issues to just obtain attention from others. One thing for sure is that I am afraid of facing a camera for even just a second. I must be crazy to want to list this down but I want to experience vlogging as it is a good idea to keep a record of my journey as a freelance illustrator while also overcoming my shyness.
- I am not confident in my ability to provide tutorials. I tend to go off track during my lessons. Perhaps I should try a short tutorial to get things started.
- I want to be able to share more than just painting or freelancing. Perhaps i could try sharing my experience with food and skincare as well?
These are some of the things I can think of as of now. I'm being hopeful to stay brave, take more risks and most importantly for the best.
I'm looking forward to discover more about myself.
To you who read this
: Thank you for listening, being part of my slow journey.
And to my future self
: I hope you get your back fixed and please be kind to your self!